Today is August 26. This is the birthday of my biggest fan, my mother. Now that I am a mother, I realize that the wrong person gets celebrated on birthdays...no, that's not it, of course we celebrate the life of the birthed. It's their day for goodness sake, but let us not forget the work and the sacrifice and the ultimate commitment required of the birther! Even if the babe didn't come from your own womb, a mother's job is a total and complete one - and that deserves some cake and candles...and flowers and bubble baths. So it's from this state of mind that when first thing this morning my partner said, "It's your mother's birthday," I sleepily replied, "Thank you LuLu." And my heart filled with gratitude not only for my own mother, who has given so much to me, but for her mother as well.
That's the thing about Gratitude...the more there is, the more there is. When I really sink into gratitude, the things for which I am thankful just seem to multiply!
For example, I have some clients. A few days ago one of those clients had a birthday. She and I have worked together for many many years. She's coming in for a session today and the Gratitude train has just rolled right on up to my office. I realize how amazing the work that I share with my clients is. I realize how amazing my clients are - so talented, so dedicated to their careers, their families, themselves. They are so courageous as they walk through their own lives and face their own fears and tragedies and joys. I've been so blessed that they come to me, month after month, year after year, to support them in their journey, to hold a space for their humanity, and to give some nurture to their bodies.
This is a big deal because my work is very process oriented. Ask anyone who has ever worked with me and they have probably heard me say, "It's a process." When one area of pain backs off only for another even weirder one to pop up in its place, I say "Well, that makes sense to me, because this is a process." And we set off to take the next step. I offer no quick fixes. I do offer support and hope that this process, while painful, messy, non-linear, and completely limit testing, is also the most valuable thing we can possibly do for ourselves. I gotta tell you that even as I write this I am feeling the nudge to express that I am Grateful for Process. Big Breath. Give me a minute here, I'm thinking about it..... Remembering so many painful aspects of the journey of my own life. So much wrestling with the confounded Process. So much time spent cursing it. Wishing it just to GO AWAY! So many times when I needed other people to support me on my way. To hold my hand. To hold me while I cried. To be there when I screamed. Ok, yep, right now, today, in this moment, I am Grateful for this Process. (Do NOT hold me to this...it will likely not last.) It is this process that has brought me to where I am today. I could not be the person I am right now without every one of those tears and screams. I could not be here making the choices that I am now making if I had not faced into all that I am. Because that's what this life really is prodding us to do. Look inside and decide to love it. To see the imperfections and love it anyway.
Not there yet? Don't worry, it's a process. Remembering of all those who have supported me over the years in large and small ways has me so grateful for my grandmother, my mother, and my clients who just keep showing up, even when spending time in conscious connection with their bodies is difficult and painful. Thank you for allowing me to connect with you on this journey. Your commitment to yourselves is a beacon of courage for me and inspires me to maintain my commitment to myself.
I am a body worker, massage educator, energy healer, partner, friend, mama, daughter, sister, and now, apparently, a blogger.